As we have done before, today we are once again taking you around the world, the world of the internet, via images that we have found during our travels through the real world and through cyberspace. Join us, wont you?
The last time I was in Belgium, I saw a poster which led me to believe that Nocturnus was playing that night. Needless to say, I was surprised and excited by the prospect of getting to see one of my favorite time-travel themed death metal bands from the early 90s. I went back to my hotel room (I don't stay in Hostels, because I'm not a teenager and I have a job), and changed into my death metal show attire. Imagine my surprise when I showed up and realized that I was in some kind of fruit-boot festival. As far as the eye can see, euros wearing rollerblades were busting out sick tricks, like the ones from the movie Airborne (an MI favorite)...needless to say, I was both sad and disgusted. I went around asking these stupid teenagers if they even had any theories about time travel or spaceships. Sadly, they didn't.
Can you imagine how hard it is for his wife to cry herself to sleep every night after she realizes that this is the man she married? Having said that...sweet pants and bandana combo bro!
Perhaps you've seen this amazing Nocturnus cover, I know I have since I have the original artwork framed in my living room. Anyway, the other day a friend of mine who went to art school was over and noticed some incredible flaws in this masterpiece. I know, I know, it's hard to believe since Mike Browning has the Midas touch. Be that as it may, the image above includes lines that were rendered by very a sophisticated computer program. This image shows the many conflicting perspectives within the painting. The conclusion? Either this thing was painted by a drunken four year old, or Mike Browning just discovered some kind of sixth dimension...and we're all too fucking stupid to get it. Is he a visual pioneer like architect Peter Eisenman, who almost singlehandedly brought deconstructivism to the architectural forefront? Your make the call.
"Fuck Travis! I specifically told you NOT to change the speed on the fan to "turbo" until we started playing 'Winds Of Sickness'! The fan is part of our stage show, it's not a fucking toy! "
That nights performance was putrid, as were all the others during their four day tour of southern Illinois.
Is he casting a spell on me? Will the spell make my hair and face as greasy as his for the rest of my life?
Is he casting another spell on me? If I allow him to cast a spell on me, will he give me his magic cape? Maybe he's not casting a spell on me at all...maybe he's just saying "smell my fingers"...and maybe the guy on the left is making that face because he just did.
Being the singer in a Mexican atmospheric black metal band is not all fun and games. First, your drummer tells you that you have to help him load in his 84 piece drumkit, most of which he bought used at the Queensryche garage sale. Then, you suddenly remember that you forgot to bring the flour tortillas you made for the band to eat before the show. ¡Ay dios mio!
When these people were born, their parents were full of hope, and dreamed of their sons and daughters going on to live full and happy lives. By the time this picture was taken, their parents' spirits had surely been broken. They know and understand that their kids turned out to be fat pathetic shut-ins. As a result, they barely cry themselves to sleep anymore.
Most black metal bands speak about evil and darkness, and that's all fine and good...but this is a band's whose message I can truly get behind. As you can see in this picture, the singer is denouncing the low aesthetic values of dropped ceilings, a message I think we can all get behind.
When anyone is trying to act super evil, there's always some mexican dude who just wants to drink some Bud and give the camera the finger. Here at Metal Inquisition, we love that Mexican dude. I mean, honestly...who would you rather hang out with? The black metal guy just wants to show you his picture disc collection, play Burzum videos for you, and brag about how he knows the guy that writes the music reviews in anus.com. On the other hand, the Mexican dude knows the hot girl at the taco stand, he does a killer Al Pacino impression, he owns all the Fast And The Furious movies for PSP, he works at Pac Sun and can get you a discount...and his brother does landscaping work for super cheap. Who would you rather hang out with? Your call.