Not to get too personal, but last Wednesday at 10:13 PM Eastern Daylight Time my girlfriend broke up with me. This after I made out with, fingered, and got a blowjob from one of her co-workers in a bathroom during her sister's birthday party the weekend prior. So she had plenty of reason to do so. Now that the faint smell of strange tang has faded from my fingers I have come to realize the error of my ways and greatly regret doing what I did, but it's too late. All that's left to do now is sink into an alcohol and pill fueled depression. Here's what I'll be listening to as I try not to feed my head to a wood chipper.
Crowbar - Time Heals Nothing
This song pretty much sums up Crowbar's entire career. Oppressively heavy, musically and lyrically, this song is a constant reminder of the futility of living. What's the point of living when you've got nothing to live for?
Saint Vitus - Dying Inside
I can't think of any other song that more accurately describes how I feel right now. Take a listen, and pay close attention to the lyrics.
Alice in Chains - Dirt
If you needed some extra motivation or inspiration to take your life, I'd suggest listening to this album, ASAP. Layne Staley took his life with a monster speedball, but not before leaving us with this masterpiece of depression. Never before has intravenous drug use sounded like such an appealing way to end the pain.
Eyehategod - Everything
Complete and total negativity. A bunch of strung out, fucked up junkies basically taunting you, cheering you on as you end it all. Go ahead, do it. You'll be happier, and no one will miss you.
Amy Winehouse - Back to Black
No fucking joke, this album kills me. It's an endless parade of misery. Song after song about failed relationships and substance abuse all wrapped up in a nice, glossy poppy package. Except that Amy can actually sing and all of the songs are legitimately heartbreaking. Their seriousness is only reaffirmed by the endless media coverage of Amy's legendary meltdowns which include beating up her fans, getting beaten up by her boyfriend, and smoking crack. For someone that's only 25, Amy has done some serious hard living.
Black Flag - Nothing Left Inside
If anyone understand my pain, it's Henry Rollins. The undisputed king of manfeelings, Hank knows what it's like to have loved and lost. This song, and the whole album, is one of the purest expressions of anger, frustration, and pain I've ever heard. When you're close to the edge all it takes is Hank bellowing "NOOOOOOOTTTHHHHINNG LEFFFTTTT INNSSSIIIIIIDDEEEE!!" to make you want to jump.
Roy Orbison - Everything
I fucking defy you to listen to "In Dreams" or "Crying" when depressed and not reach for a sharp object. There's just something about Roy's voice and the words he sings that make my heart drop and my chest tighten. Maybe it had to do with the amount of tragedy he experienced. His first wife died in a motorcycle accident and two of his five sons died in a housefire. That's a lot of heavy shit to go through and though he didn't end his own life he certainly makes me want to end mine when I listen to his music.
Chris Isaak - Forever Blue
If a good looking dude like Chris Isaak can't even hold onto a lady, then what hope does a regular schlub like me have? This album is relentless misery. Tale after tale of love lost. It's really hard to listen to after a while, especially if you're trying to get over having lost someone yourself. I mean, Christ, if you were banging this chick and she left wouldn't you want to end it all?
Buzzoven - Sore
G.G. Allin - Freaks, Faggots, Drunks, and Junkies
A God among men, G.G. is legendary for practicing what he preached. How many men with penises the size of a baby's pinky would flaunt that shit like they were packing a magnum? Only a troubled genius like GG could write such unforgettable songs as "Die When You Die," "Commit Suicide," and "I Wanna Kill You." Only an angel, too beautiful for this world, could pen the following lines:
If you're listening to this song
And everything is going wrong
Take a chance on the other side
Let's go over the edge
Fuck the pigs, fuck the folks
Death is where it's at
Use a gun, use a knife
Take some pills, take your life
Slit your throat, slit your wrists
Go over the edge
INXS - Never Tear Us Apart
Autoerotic asphyxiation. That's some way to go.
Lady Gaga - Just Dance
I actually like this song, but it was stuck in my head for two days last week and it reminds me of my ex-girlfriend so whenever I hear it now I want to die, immediately. Please, indulge yourself.
That's all for now, ladies and gentlemen. I've got a noose to tie. See you on the other side!