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Friday, August 1, 2008
Metal Inquisition's First Annual Caption Contest!
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Buy this Hatebreed album!!
Our payment for this ad: $0. Instead, we were promised a box of Hatebreed swag that I doubt we will ever even receive (I asked for a couple shirts and he said they didn't have any). We suck at negotiating.
80 comments:
FFFFAAAAGGGG!!!!!! or Capitalist smum!!!!
Anal Cunt must write a song about it.
Scum, sorry for the typo. I am retard. Do you want to see my bib?
"james acting blasé about his armani, while rob takes the opportunity to try and score some of that famed italian tail by commenting on the chick's plaits in comparison to his own".
My lifestyle determines my dress-style.
FACE THE THING THAT SHOULD NOT BE
Oh, man, Zachary already won it. Gold. Total gold.
All I know is Trujillo is apparently a window mannequin. What the fuck?
"Now where did I park my soul...?"
James refused to speak after Robert got them kicked out of yet another store for his insistence on doing his monkey walk to try out some Italian leather shoes.
Rape?
The only known photo of Robert Trujillo standing upright.
"Maybe now people will stop holding out for a good album from us"
i love how james is trying to look all badass with his armani bag and mandals. robert, in the meantime, looks like a wax statue of himself at madam tussaud's wax museum. i think as this picture was taken robert was thinking:
"why do italan women wear dresses made out of my grandma's curtains? maybe if i stare at her long enough she'll know the power of my crabwalk...and willingly give herself to me."
i know...that caption sucks. zachary...you win.
'i'll be waiting outside, honey. take your time.'
The band that shops together, stays together.
you know it's Sad but Truuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuue
James: Crap, where did I leave Lars? I leave him for five minutes, and he wanders off.
Robert: Excuse me, ladies, have any of you seen a small Dutch man? Blond hair, about four feet tall, probably in the fetal position, crying.
Metal has always meant flips flops and armani at least to me
"Oh well," thought Robert, "At least I'm not in Infectious Grooves anymore."
^^^
LOL we have a winner!
Carpe diem, baby. Carpe diem.
"if you are into heavy metal you are no longer my friend"?
"Carrie! Where the Hell are my Manolos?!"
James: "Crap, they see us! Robert, don't tell anyone that it's just you and I shopping for each other."
Lamdmine has taken sight
taken my speech
taken my fashion sense
"Metal-Sexual"
"kill 'em All"
Now we know the inspiration for Unforgiven III.
Robert's pissed the fashionistas inside wouldn't let him crabwalk the catwalk.
"Dress 'em All"
"Armani Lightning"
"Master of Fashion"
"...And Tuxedos for All"
"The Black Suit"
"Dress"
"ReDress"
"Catwalk Inc."
Disposable Heroes.
What I would do with the Nocturnus time machine: Go back to 1984, collect James from under all those empty JD bottles, bring him to 2008, take him to a 'Tallica show, and then send him home with the cryptic message, "Don't go to Sweden."
Robert: I can't believe James is still waiting for me to get the door for him. I hate when he does this to me in front of the ladiez!
"Face the Thing that Should Not Be". Mike wins.
This post has been removed by the author.
2 for one day at the douchebag store
James: 'Ignore him. Reckons he plays bass in Metallica. What's a Metallica?'
Lars, are you happy now I'm carrying you in an Armani bag?
Rob: Could we pop in Gap now?
Girl: Fuck you.
James: Twat.
Rob: Are you James Hetfield from Metallica? Can I get your autograph?
James: Babes, not now I'm shopping.
Rob: Well, I thought it looked weird.
Girl: Shut up Rob. If James wants to wear an Armani dress on the next tour, he can.
Rob: Dad..I mean James, I want some sweets, can I have my allowance now?
James: No. And you know I prefer it when you call me Daddy.
James: I can smell Lars.
Rob: No I think it's me. I just farted.
Now that I'm wearing Armani, I won't be considered a terrorist.
"Gee, I hope Lars likes these tennis whites, hope I got his size right."
Girl with dreads: "Are you really the guy who re-recorded Bob
Daisley basslines?"
Rob: "Yup. Climb on my lemon tree!"
Girl on the phone: "Blah blah blah"
Jaimz: "What did I eat yesterday? Mmmmh...candy coated scrotum sacks, maybe?"
WTF! James shaves his legs!
Wow, some of those comments were so pedestrian........
James: "(Deep breath)Yep, this is what its all about, what we busted our asses for all those years.
If Cliff could only see us now."
followed by
"Wait! Is that Kid Rock coming out of Starbucks?"
"Lets wait out here until our friends the Olsen twins finish their shopping binge, ok Robert?"
"Sure James, oh and while we wait, lets think of a few more streamlined ideas for the new album, which'll fund our high class shopping sprees."
MASTERCARD OF PUPPETS IS PULLING YOUR STRINGS!
-jeff
James spots a bar
Metallica getting outfits for the death magnetic tour. It's gonna be fabulous! Err... I mean metal as fuck.
is it available in death magenta?
"Where's my Hossenfeffer?"
Getting his and hers tattoos at Armani is not a sign of mid-life crisis.
Million dollar joining fee or not, he's taken it too fucking far this time! Ozzy, Mike Muir c'mon surely you've got room for a second bassist?
When James and Robert decided to attend Lars' summer fancy dress bash as Ricky and Julian from the Trailer Park Boys, Robert felt that James wasn't really feeling the Ricky spirit in the same way he had nailed Julian.
douche - bag
Trujillo seriously looks poised as James' manservant in that photo.
For the The Armani clearance sale bell tolls
these new pants are totally brutal!
Monolo's up your ass!!
James: Where is TMZ? I wanna be seen!
Rob: Fuck, I thought I left the dick behind when I left ST.
Girl: What'd you say?
Cliff Burton: There is no denim in that fucking store, totally glad I'm dead! You guys suck!
Here we see Robert, just moments before giving James a heaping helping of public ass whooping. You see, Robert views his job, just like Jason before him, to TRY and keep Metallica metal. It's a 24-7, thankless job. Sometimes James, Lars and Kirk get out of Robert's sight and end up wandering around Italy's high-end fashion district - in this case, shopping for clothes to wear after the volleyball game James is obviously about to attend.
"DUMB KIND OF MONSTER"
(Hetfield and "Bassist #3" keepin' it real with their Armani bags and flip-flops)
Thought bubble from James: "Dammit Lars, which Ole Henriksen did you wander into?.. Can't believe I'm missing Idols for this!"
I not only shop at Douche Bags R' Us but I am also the president! ~ James Hetfield
I only shop where Daddy Hetfield lets me ~ Robert
Robert: Why do I ALWAYS have to go shopping with James? Jesus! How many speedos does Kirk need?
James: Shut up or I'll make Bob Rock the bass player again.
"Now where did we park the minivan?"
GIMMIE FUEL GIMMIE FIRE GIMMIE ARMANI FOOT ATTIRE!!!
Jaymz syngz:
Bargains
Imprisoning Me
All That I See
Absolute Savings
What A Great Deal
What A Great Find
Look At These Shorts
Damn I Look Sexy As
Helllllllll!
Bob Singz
Hetfield
Has taken my bag
Taken my shades
Taken my savings
Taken my cred
Taken my soul
Trapped in this band
Left here with life in HELLL
"Who wants to meet Lars and Kirk at Cinna-bon after this?"
"Hey Jas, errr... Rob, another million bucks if you can carry this bag for me, I'm kind of tired. Thanks."
It was too late when james realised they'd accidently brought a neanderthal waxwork with them.
rob: Why did the cashier Jason say he knew you james?
unbeknown to the metal community, the bag did not contain clothes, but rather served as lars ulrich replacement. No receding hair line which somehow correlates with talent loss, infinately more stylish and the ability to make a drum sound better than a bouncy ball thrown around a padded room.
Cliff is spinning in his grave...arghhhhhhhh...Disposable Shorts!raulito
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James' Wife: "You will dress how I say when I say."
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